How can we attempt to prevent sexual abuse of children. Read on.... Convicted abusers were surveyed, and they by and large said this approach WOULD have prevented them from abusing the children they abused.
Sit down as a family. Have the child draw the outline of their hand on a piece of paper. Then, on each finger write the name of one trusted adult. Let them choose the people, with a bit of guidance from parents/guardians. This the their own personal "Helping Hand." Put a phone number with each name, if the child is old enough to know how to make a phone call.
Tell the child that if anything happens that breaks the "Nobody is allowed..." rule (see earlier post), they should immediately tell TWO of the people on their helping hand. If nothing happens to stop the offenses, they should tell another and another until something happens.
Then, and THIS is the part that does the trick, tell EVERYONE you know that you have done this, and that you have a plan in place. Tell the 5 adults that they are on the child's helping hand.
Perpetrators say that if they had known that such a plan was in place for their victims, they would not have abused at least that victim.
You might ask: How could they possibly know that there is a plan in place?
Answer: Because YOU JUST TOLD THEM. You announced the plan to all your family and friends, etc. Again, and this is no lie, 90-95% of all sexual abuse of children comes from family or people with CLOSE family ties. Tell EVERYONE about the plan. Announce it. Decorate the helping hands and post them on the wall so people will ask you about them. It's so simple.
In July 2008, my babysitter called me. She was in tears. My 7yo daughter and her best friend had told her that they were being sexually abused by the best friend's 13yo brother, who was also my daughter's before-school babysitter for most of the last school year. Bottom line: I paid him to spend time alone, in my house, with my daughter. I thought I knew him. If this blog saves one child, I will be thrilled. If you are new to the blog, read the old stuff from the bottom up. It's worth it.
protect your child
7 comments:
I really am in shock that something like that happened to your child. I went through alot of babysitters when I was young. My parents only allowed family members to watch me. Those times were hard because, both of my parents had to work. I give you my support.
It is terrifying when I think that that could happen to my child. I haven't needed any babysitters yet, but I think it is a great idea to make children aware of what might happen. I like the idea of the tracing the open hand to write the names of 5 trusted adults. I will use it.
The seriousness of this topic should alarm parents everywhere. I am one of those old fashioned parents. One who never let my children go spend the night over friends housing. I am truly grateful this blog exist because it only proves my theory of never letting people babysit my children and never letting them go places. I am soory to hear about the crime that has taken place. Question is the 13 yo assailant apologetic?
Is he apologetic? That's a really good question, and I don't know the answer. I haven't spoken to him since I got the news, and I haven't had any meaningful contact with his family since shortly thereafter. Just a day or two after the news broke, and before they knew that the police and Children's Services were involved, I spoke with his mom. She said that her husband would like to bring him over to talk to my daughter. Presumably, that was to apologize, but that was never stated. It never happened, because my daughter said "No. I'm still too angry with him. I'll tell you when I'm ready to forgive him." (and that hasn't happened yet). I'll keep you posted.
Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I have three small children, and the idea of using the helping hand is wonderful. It's definitely one that we will implement with our children and share with friends. Bless you! I will say a prayer for you and your family as you journey down this difficult road.
This gave me chills when I read "you just told them". It is so hard to accept that it is a fact that someone you know and love could harm your child as much - or more - than a stranger. I am glad to have read it. It is a great idea, one I have no hesitation in doing myself with my children, and recommending to other parents.
Thank You for sharing this story. This strategy of the helping hand is great! I am going to do it with our kids and share this strategy with all my friends and family on our blog.
I am reading this in July 2010-- I so hope that *everyone* involved in this situation has received counselling and is doing well-- especially your daughter.
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